he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
