you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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