hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
