just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
bring money and cleavage
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
