guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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