Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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