woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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