I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
