Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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