Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
