Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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