I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize