just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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