Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize