i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
