I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
