Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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