The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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