If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize