don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
