I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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