i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
