I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
