idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize