I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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