Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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