dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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