i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
