So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
