I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Vodka?
Forever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
