I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
