We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
