highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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