If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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