You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
