apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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