It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
