he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
