Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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