Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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