I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
nutella sex= disaster
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
