made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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