Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
