i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
