Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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