The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
