I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
