Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
