Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
