HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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