im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
