I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
