A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
