Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
