Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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