Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
