R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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