We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
