Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
