ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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