after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
