There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
