i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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