its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
