That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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