Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
