Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
