i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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