My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
