Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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