"it" just moved
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
