After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My first STD was from a foam party
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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