Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I believe in your delicious
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
