JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
