if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize