If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize