So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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