when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
