Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
