I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
