Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
