I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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