The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
