Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
