I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
