final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
