I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize