PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
